4 Reasons Why Venting To Your Friends About Your Relationship Can Cause Its Demise
It’s Your Relationship; Not Theirs
Every relationship has its issues, and while it is tempting at times to call up your friends for advice, oftentimes this will lead to more problems.
Of course, there are things that we just need to talk about, and that’s fine. But at times, we can find ourselves breaching the sanctity of the relationship we have with our partner, and privacy is necessary.
1. No one knows what you have with your partner behind closed doors but you and your partner.
And, it is nobody’s business.
The discussions you have behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors. If your partner says something that you don’t agree with or that makes you uncomfortable, that is something to be discussed with him or her.
Telling a friend this issue out of context (as in all that led up prior to this incident) will cause a biased reaction.
And when you are upset and vulnerable, you might take their criticism to heart. This can lead to getting yourself more upset than you originally were and possibly saying something to your partner that you don’t mean.
2. Your friends will only see the negative in your relationship.
We normally don’t call up our friends and say, “My boyfriend and I had such a wonderful day! We slept in and had great sex. Then he made me breakfast, and we talked about taking a trip next month.” Otherwise, we would have no friends.
No, we usually only vent about the negative.
And because of this, our friends only take note of when we are unhappy with our partners. Granted, if you are calling your friend upset every day, that’s probably an issue.
But even if you are only doing this once in a while, it can seem like a lot to your friend. Even though he or she just wants what is best for you, your grief may become amplified in his or her head.
3. Your friends may have had bad experiences in their past relationships.
And their experiences are not yours.
Although they may be similar, the relationship, partner, and context are entirely different.
So even though your friend so badly wants to tell you about the time when his or her partner did something just like yours did, keep in mind all of the factors that made that situation different from yours.
His or her reaction to that situation does not need to be the same one you have to have.
4. Your problems with your partner can only be solved if you discuss them with your partner.
That’s right. You have to move past that uncomfortable feeling and say something.
Your partner may have no idea he or she even hurt you in the first place, or he or she perhaps is feeling the same way you are: confused.
So when you vent to your friends and overanalyze every detail, you amplify problems that could be solved by having a conversation with the person around whom the issues revolve.
Taking some time to cool off and then sitting him or her down and letting him or her know why you are upset can save you a whole mess of grief.
And in the end, healthy relationships are built on trust and communication. You have to trust that your partner did not intend to hurt or upset you, and you have to openly communicate when he or she does.